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Underfunded Research Team Stumbles Upon Salt in Seawater
A severely underfunded and wholly unprepared independent research team has stumbled upon a revelation of extremely mild proportions. They just figured out that there is salt in sea water. This attempt at a groundbreaking discovery has left the scientific group excited for the future. Their story began simply when a ragtag team of researchers, armed… Read more
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Elderly Embrace Extreme Sports, but Is It Just a Senior Moment?
A growing number of seniors are swapping shuffleboard for skydiving and front lawn socials for BMX biking. These geriatric daredevils are golden age adrenaline junkies and they’re defying expectations and gravity as they embrace extreme sports with gusto. Some local retirement communities, once known for their tranquil gardens and leisurely bingo nights, are now loud… Read more
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Community Plans Intervention for Caffeine Addict
A local man has recently been adamantly denying his addiction to the beloved beverage, but his family, friends,and local gas station owners with a “free refill” policy, are claiming his addictions are going too far. Mark Fetterman, the “Coffee Enthusiast” , as he says, keeps an unwavering insistence that he can quit caffeine anytime he… Read more
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Scientists Unveil Genetically Engineered Chocolate Milk Cow
Scientists have recently unveiled their latest creation, a cow capable of producing chocolate milk straight from the tap. Dubbed the “Hownow Browncow” by delighted researchers, this bovine breakthrough promises to revolutionize the dairy industry and satisfy chocolate cravings in unprecedented ways. The concept, as ridiculous as it sounds, began as a brainstorming session among a… Read more
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Taylor Swift’s Unexpected Alliance with Satan Opens New Possibilities
An unexpected turn of events recently, pop sensation Taylor Swift has been spotted engaging in intense negotiations with the Devil himself to co-rule Earth in the aftermath of the upcoming apocalypse. Sources close to the Star reveal that Satan, surprisingly, is a massive Swiftie and seems to believe that “Shake It Off” should be an… Read more
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Man Awakens from Coma In Time For Election
A man who has been in a coma for for nearly four years has regained consciousness just in time to face the impending chaos of an upcoming election. Upon learning the length of his long rest, he became horrified suddenly, says his family who were in attendance at the time. Jason Brumble was in an… Read more
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Local Chef Lands in Hot Water for Free Sample Cannon
A local chef’s innovative approach to distributing free samples has recently landed him in hot water and local authorities steaming mad. The daring chef, Jamie Renner, was cited by local authorities for his unorthodox method of dispersing delectable delights by using an actual cannon to distribute them. The controversy began innocently enough, with the Renner’s… Read more
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Muscled Mime Keeps Quiet About Bodybuilding Secrets
Recently a rather muscular mime has been making waves in the performance and fitness world, all while keeping tight lipped about the mysterious methods behind their massive physique. The city’s resident mime, known as “Muscle Maestro,” has people gossiping about the clandestine training regimen that turns invisible resistance into visible gains. The enigmatic mime, often… Read more
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Viral Prank Claims Mayonnaise is the Ultimate Deodorant
Unfortunate as it is, a recent viral prank video has convinced unsuspecting individuals that slathering mayonnaise on their armpits is the secret to the perfect deodorant. The mayonnaise as deodorant craze has caught on like wildfire, leaving a trail of confusion, stains, and the unmistakable stank of expired condiments. The viral video, titled “MayoMagic,” features… Read more
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Letters to the Editor #6, The Littlest Planet That Could
In the vast cosmos of astronomical debates, one celestial body stands resilient against the scientific snubbery it endures and that planet is Pluto. I stand with those that would recognize the little dwarf planet as a member of our planetary family. I’m here to declare, with unwavering conviction, that Pluto is indeed a planet, and… Read more
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Ghostly Founders Express Displeasure with Current Management
Fast food establishments have been recently reporting an increase of mysterious apparitions appearing in their kitchens and dining areas. Witnesses claim these ghosts are back from the afterlife to deliver a paranormal message. They say the founders are not happy with the way things are being run and they are planning a return to set… Read more
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Midwest Town on Edge Over Government Birdwatching
There’s some reports recently of a Midwest town that seems to be finding itself thrown into a hub of avian anxiety. Residents there are now on high alert amid rumors circulating about the federal government employing trained birds for covert surveillance. The once relaxed, small town atmosphere now is filled with fear, suspicion and a… Read more
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